“And lilies are still lilies, pulled by smutty hands, though spotted from their white.”
i could stay at home today, and since i have so many to draw i decided to draw (well, i dont even feel it as an option to not to, and that starts to bother me too.. why i feel guilty of not drawing when i dont want to draw.. i want to rest, im so tired these days, i want to do nothing, but when i have time at home, i feel guilty of not drawing, especially the peter pan drawing, im really not happy because of this, it doesnt supposed to be like this, its going to a wrong direction)
so i started to draw something i wanted to for a while now. … … but it didnt really go well ^ ^’ especially towards the end of drawing, i got really angry. im not in a good mood anyway, i am tired, and here i am drawing, and i dont want to. so i was annoyed, i started to throw things. luckily it was already the time i finished the drawing. … and i didnt like it.
i put it onto the computer..and i still didnt like it. so i left it like that, and watched couple of episodes of a drama i stopped like a month ago and couldnt continue (arang). made cookies. and while i was making cookies i checked the drawing again, and now i kind of liked it, cleared out head. especially the face. its so … .. porcelain..? with those kind of sick eyes, but i didnt want them to be sick, they are just teary a bit, and red, and that occurs when someone is sick ^ ^’ though i dont want anyone to associate to that.
i took a photo of it again. started to clear out the lights. and now i like it already.
i also recorded video of it. but because of my shiny lovely emotional state today.. i had no mood to do it -.- …. and now i went on tumblr and saw a gif set made out of my drawing again. which is really nice and so on, i like them. but im really really getting angry of not getting notified by more than the half of the editers. i dont know what they think who they are, like really. im such in a bad mood and it annoys me even more. so now im sure i wont make the next video. … okay i know, whenever i get angry over some not respectful responses and events (really really rare, im so lucky, really : ) ), i always think that good and nice people around me enormously outnumbering the bad ones, so i shouldnt take away anything from them because of one. … thats really correct. doesnt change the fact that i dont have mood to do that video -.-
this was some really long post about me suffering over myself. yes, great.
okay, lets just say something more about the drawing. ehm. lilies caught my attention lately, they are not my favourite flowers though. i have one more … … picture, not quite picture yet, just a line inspired me… one more lily ^ ^’
and purple. i have noticed that i had everything purple, even a drop of purplish water fell from my brush : D … i like purple ^ ^