so.. school semester has ended, and its time to go for summer internship. : ) its not like i wouldnt go to work somewhere anyway, i always try to spend all of my time on working, when i have a half day available for a longer period of time i run to an agency. mostly because i dont feel im working when i do this, i love doing this, really. … i was at a small local agency in the winter, it was a great exercise and experience. i liked being there. .. until 3 months later when i didnt, and then i left.
now i wanted to try out a bigger one, a real good one. … and i thought of Y&R. i didnt even try to contact any other agency, i wanted to come here, and thats it, no B option.
the Y&R system is .. amazing. its one of my two dreamcompany, i was excited and absolutely scared like a week ahead the first day already. i couldnt stop getting amazed by the fact that im going to be working here, i will part of the system, woah, i – will – be – there, right there, right – in – there.
the internship should be a month long, i have to report it to the school, attached everything i did, the company writes a report about me, etc etc. but even before being accepted i was already thinking of how could i cling to them for the whole 3 months, how can i make them want me to work here for that long. i have to show im worth to be here, but am i? how can i, people here are the country’s best, how can i expect myself to be as good. i want to learn from them, i want to be around them and learn as much as i can.
i really had glorious thoughts about them.
day#1 at Y&R
first day came, i was surprisingly calm and relaxed during the morning and also when i stepped into the office. i was taken directly to the morning meeting, it was interesting, i could have a quick roundup about whats going on in the company right now, what are the ongoing projects, etc. then i was shown around, handshaked every living human in the office (i dont remember a single name.. > <)
and then .. then everything bad started.
like woah. it was a horrible day, really. it was a catastrophe.
my expectations and glorious thoughts of the company have been thrown into the trash, i felt absolutely totally bad being here, i couldnt even eat anything whole day, which resulted me being 200% sensitive and having a really bad mood. as if the surroundings and the surrounding facts werent enough i added my starving to it, just to make the catastrophe a whole experience.
they introduced me as a graphic designer. that was the first step. … let me tell you a secret: i – am – not – a – graphic – designer.
im a person who was trained to learn every possible visual form which serves to communicate between the brand and the people, i have been trained to get an idea which connects the brand and the people, and deliver it in a form that works the best. to be able to do that i have to learn all the visual forms i can use. be outstanding at some, but if im not good enough, then i should find the best person to create it instead of me.
graphic design is totally included. and i do sign that its one of the most important and biggest form of visual communication, and its not just an hour of explanation to learn, its several years of training to understand and being able to do it.
but i dont count myself good in graphic design, and to be honest i dont like it either ..- as much as other forms i like. as a result i dont even make efforts of getting better at graphics. and if i have to do graphics in my whole entire life i would just gladly jump out on the window right now.
i – am – not – a – graphic – designer. and i dont even want anyone to think about me as such. i can do it, sure, not that bad either, but i dont want it, and i do it only if necessary.
so .. after everyone here in the company decided im the new graphic designer intern, i was … scared. i dont want to do graphics here. and the graphic designers sitting here do it much better than i could anyway. also.. if i wanted to do graphics i would have gone to another company, not to one of the biggest creative shiny castle in the world, which is famous for the outstanding creative strategy, quality work, and amazing commercials. they are famous for good prints too, but thats something im not interested and cant feel through. dont want to feel through, probably more like that.
so i was here, got introduced as a graphic designer, aaand .. got graphic designs to do, what a surprise. i finished what i got in like an hour, sent it, and … thats it. 8 hours of work i should have and i finished what i had in an hour, and i was asking to give me something i could help with, but nothing. was watching the graphic designers around me working on posters and packagings that look aaaaawful, but those are the customer’s request, so you cant really do anything about it, just close your eyes and do it.
then i was paying attention to the people around me.
they were negative behind each others back, they were unhappy about things and talking about it and totally blaming it on others.
they were totally not what i expected. and they were totally not the kind of environment i want to spend a single minute in.
i was shocked.
and really, really bored.
i didnt know how am i going to finish here a whole month, i dont want to be here a single day. i have already checked an other company i could visit after this month to accept me for the next 2 months. a smaller and less popular one (i mean their budapest office isnt that big or famous, but they are pretty big overall in the world)
but my main problem was that i mostly got scared of this world. like .. this is not what i expected. and this is not what i want to be part of. i dont want to work in this. and i was sitting here watching my dreams crash. and i have no other dream and i dont want to have another dream either. i was lost, i was questioning my field of choice, my work, my dreams, my existence.
i went home before anyone could find me asking how was my first day, because i cant lie and i have no intention to either.
and i have decided im going to think this through, sleep on it, and the next day im going to start with having a talk with the creative director. .. i wanted to act fast, and talk about it, before it grows into an even worse situation.
they cant really win with me if they put me into the graphic section, i cant really win with them in that case either. … and i am okay with doing it, IF i get to do and participate in what i like as well.
plus i want to work. thats not okay if im sitting here doing nothing. i cant not work, and if i dont work i want to read a book or continue watching Vampire Diaries (which im watching now, ha! : D ), eat something nice, have my tea next to me, and have my bra off. thats how i do nothing comfortably.
but sitting here, not able to do anything, and not getting to do anything is like pure suffering. i had major headache until today because of it, and overall felt like i was washed through in a washing machine minimum three times.
day#2 at Y&R
today i was a little more nervous in the morning, felt slightly sick, and my headache survived the night.
in spite of this i was still waiting to get into the office. yesterday faded away, i felt the bad that happened yesterday werent even that bad, i was just too sensitive about it.
left home late, as usually, and started my real fast walk through the public transportations to be able to arrive in time, and gaining back my lost minutes. … and i did arrive in time. went straight to the creative director’s office, and sat down to talk with him about yesterday, and the company, and me.
i was already feeling much better, so my story was not that much affected emotionally as it could have been yesterday. we talked about it, that i think they could make better use of me during the creative process. and talked about how much i love motion picture, commercials, and that was the reason i wanted to come here. he was totally nice. i mean he is a nice person, but if i dont say anything no one knows if i have a problem and whats that.
thats why i decided to talk about it in the first place. though my friends said that i should just stay quiet, i should also accept this work hierarchy, that the director wont care he just makes money my problems are the last thing he cares about, and that i should be really nice and honey like and let my honest kind of style at home, and just overall shut up. … and thats not me, i am shut up in 90% of the time, and the remaining 9% is for times when im not happy with something. so i just went to talk to him.
and now he knows it, he explained me the next commercial project they are going to work on, sent me the brief, and told me to think about it, and hand in my ideas on monday.
which basically means i actually got a chance. and thats everything i need. … even if my idea wont be better than the great good art directors’ ideas here, its still a chance. and i will learn a lot from this situation, doesnt matter if my idea will be good at all, i will learn from the others, i will finally get to experience why i came here, to Y&R, to one of the best advertising agency in the world.
i immediately felt better, i felt muuuuch more comfortable in the company, i saw why im here, and i can survive here a month, and we will see about the other.
im ready to do those graphics as well now, if needed. the time is flying by, im having a tea from a Y&R mug, im right here, in the system, sitting in the office, two french guys in front of me, and i have a chance in my hands, and im glad im here, so happy.