my 2014, and 2015 plans

2012
2013

2014:

I know everyone hated this year, I’ve only seen people complaining about it (but then again, they always complain about every possible thing). For me it was fine. I’m not saying it was amazing and couldn’t have been better, but it was far better than the past 3 years. The horse have been good to me : ) Maybe only to me, but thats the minimum, since it’s my year. : D

In the first half of the year I have worked non-stop, in the second half I did exactly the opposite, basically not at all.
I have worked a lot until the middle of summer, until I have left Y&R. After that it took me couple of months to revaluate my life and choices. I still couldn’t bring myself to write a blogpost about working there. After I left that company I have left the city with it. I came back home to my family, and stayed here. I was only attending school, and was traveling to the city to go to my classes, from here, from home, every day. I had only one branding project to work on beside school, and draw sometimes. I have never opened my computer to work after 5pm, no more working till morning, injecting energy drink directly into blood circulation, not touching any work on weekend. Not because I have put up these principles, but because I didn’t want to. I was living like that before because I loved it, you couldn’t have recommended me a better program on weekend than shooting something, you couldn’t have given me a better program for the night than working on something, I have loved it. But being at one of my dream company, to see what I was working so much for all this time, and to realize how really far it is from what I want, and how much I hate it .. it really threw me off my track. So that’s why I stopped working so much, I didn’t find what to work for, or what direction should I push myself to. When I know what I want I will scratch myself through walls with my nails until I get there, but loosing my direction made me stop, sit down in the corner and wait for something to happen, while crying over my broken nails I have from the scratching all these years.
Took me months to find my new way.
I still count this as a good year, because after all, let’s not forget, that I actually did manage to get in to one of my dream company this year, to the top advertising agency, as the only summer intern from the country. That’s something I can be proud about. I can cry over it, but that’s still the best thing that happened to me after all these school years. And I did have a lot of work to do until I was willing to. And though the realization was painful, and caught me off guard, but it should have happened sooner or later, and I’m happy I’m over it. Here I am with a brand new yet-empty canvas, I can do with it whatever I want, and I have spent the past months to find what is that again, what I want.

> d e s i g n
I have realized for example that I hate graphic design. A lovely realization after 6 years, right before receiving my diploma on graphic design. Since I still had to do graphic design like it or not I have given less care to it, I worried less about it, and that made me let to loose my head about it, made me more experimenting, and as a result I ended up with an entirely new graphic style I didn’t have before. I didn’t really share graphics on my blog in the past months so you don’t know, but all of them became photography based for example. I have left the digital boundaries and started to use a lot from the reality, found my way back to photography, which I have left about 4 years ago. Graphics smell a lot like plastics, lifeless, digital, artificial, that’s what I hate about them. I took that away, put life behind them. I have finally started to like my graphic works, I could stand up behind them. That was missing from before (also a realization of the year).

> a r t
I drew much less this year than I did before. My style didn’t change. My big illustrations started to take longer and longer to finish, I like more and more to get lost in the – unnecessary – details. While my small portraits show exactly the opposite, and start to take less and less time to finish. (My last Chen drawing was one and a half hour)
I had a really strong desire to draw non-fanart stuff this year, but they failed continuously, until I stopped trying at all. At the end of the year I was determined to paint, nature themed, expressive styled, acrylic and oil. But I didn’t get to start it after all. I blame it on the dark. After the sun sets down I loose my mood to do anything, and right now it means it happens at 3pm, and because of the holiday I wake up at noon or later, so I have time to finish my breakfast in light, and that’s all. I love winters, but god save me from this depressive darkness.

This year Burn Alone received the most attention on the internet out of my arts.
Burn Alone (Tao)

But to my much surprise Allegretto DKS also received a lot of good words, attention, and was trending in sales. I was surprised because it’s really out of my usual style of art I think, and I was doubting that the same person who likes the Burn Alone kind of art will like this kind of art too. And though it did happen at first, but then it actually brought me a lot of new viewers, and by the sale statistics I see that, after all, a lot of people can like both styles. Or maybe they are not that far apart from each other as I think.

Allegretto DKS

As for the videos, my most viewed in 2014 was still the Luhan fanart from the Neverland series. But the most viewed and made in 2014 was Between Two Points.

> f a v o u r i t e s
my most listened song this year was: Fox Stevenson – Endless
I still can’t stop listening it, I don’t know what is so addictive about it.

And no kpop song could get into my top5 listened songs this year, which probably happened the first time in like 8 years.
And Winner’s Confession was the only one to get into at least the top10, but I understand that, I love that song, such a beauty.

Képernyőfotó 2014-12-30 - 16.42.15

In overall stats (2010-2014) still EXO – Black Pearl leads, and SHINee follows up. No change on this part.

Képernyőfotó 2014-12-30 - 16.42.49

And in overall artists the order didn’t quite change either, EXO, SHINee, and U-KISS are leading my iTunes.

Képernyőfotó 2014-12-31 - 13.28.31

My favorite nail color to use this year was Sally Hansen – Café au Lait (mostly because it stays on my nails for a week, while everything else starts to chip after 3 hours and that’s not a joke)

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My favorite lipstick this year was MAC – Creme in your Coffee.

MCF320 MCF320-2

While I’m afraid the most used was still the Guerlain – Girly. Habits die slow.

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Talking about habits. My favorite perfume didn’t change: Chanel Chance for cold seasons, Chanel Mademoiselle for warm seasons. Exactly like in the past 10 years.

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My favorite app this year was the Monument Valley, without doubt. I have replayed it several times, and not because of the puzzles. I looooooove the design, the world, the animation, the ghost, the story. I love how this game is enjoyable, and isn’t annoying or stressing, in contrary to the 99% of the games (Candy Saga, rings some bells, do you know how many times did I want to throw my phone at the wall? That’s not why I play a game, I can be stressed without a game too.)
I want more of this kind of apps, all of them should be and look like this.

> d r a m a
I didn’t watch dramas this year at all, so I can’t choose a favorite one. I have – almost – finished My Love From Another Star, but other than that nothing. None at all. It’s sad.
I have watched several trashy crime series I love really much, but I haven’t watched this much of them since high school. CSI, Criminal Minds, Mentalist, Bones, Fringe, Perception. I’m watching Fringe right now.

> b o o k s
So this year I challenged myself to 50 books. No, I couldn’t reach it, for not much of my surprise, but I ended up with a worse result than I expected. I have finished 20 books this year. None of them in the past 3 months, because though I tried to read about 10 books during this time, but I left every single of them after the first chapters. It’s really difficult to read 50 books when you have months when you get sick of any book.
My favorite was the Angelfall series (Penryn and The End of the Days series, but this title sounds lame and too long). Quoted from my review:
Angelfall and World After. Wow. This series is one of my love from this year. This series was my first angel themed book, and I suspect this series is also one of the best from this themed books overall. It was really good. The book is about the apocalypse. When God sends down his legion of angels to kill every human on the face of our Earth. The story starts weeks into this event. Sexy angels, with adonis figures, proud, majestic, well-mannered, high-class, with kick-ass martial skills, dangerous, merciless and killing everyone. Are you kidding me, I want more of this kind of stories! I ate those two books in no time, and I can’t wait the ending to come out in May.
Angels literally became the coolest thing ever.
Vampires and werewolves, tsch, no. Angels.”

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> o t h e r
I have refreshed my sewing skill this year. I made several clothes, my favorite is the first one I made, a floral printed lousy pants for the summer.
This pants have an additional back story beside looking totally awesome. After my grandma died we were packing out her stuff from her apartment, and she used to do a lot of stuff by hands (probably because she grew up in a family which couldn’t afford buying stuff, so they made their own), and we found this material among her stuff. I can kind of recall this material, I think I was playing with it and my dolls when I was a kid. My grandma didn’t have an easy personality, everyone says I’m like her, my personality too, but I look like her when she was young too, and my fingers are typically as hers, my nose, I hold my body and hands the same way she always did, etc. This is the only material I have from her, and I was a little afraid to make this from it, especially if I ruin it or something. But I didn’t, it looks absolutely gorgeous, one of my favorite clothes from my wardrobe, and she chose it.

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I have been learning french too, in the summer. Though I need to continue that in 2015 summer to be able to take the exam. I need it for my diploma.

We had Tiger joining our family in the summer. She slowly became a close family member. We had cats before, a lot of them, they come and leave, cars hit them, disappear, what not. So we had cats over the time. But none of them was this loving and affectionate as Tiger. She is getting fat.
Tiger
Talking about fat – I gained some weight this year, wow. I wasn’t like this since the age of 17, when I was really .. … wide. Compared to my original self, and average look, of course, and since I’m thin and boney 5 plus out of usual does gets visible. Moving back to my family, taking train every day instead of walking, and eating my mum’s delicious dinner after living on a sandwich whole day, yea. I’m not on a level to be worried yet, even aesthetically, just .. it’s a thing about 2014. I should find my way back to the running machine. I love the running machine by the way. But I love drinking another cup of tea and check Tumblr even more.

2015
> In two weeks we are going to be having our end-semester exam and exhibition, then I have to hand in my diploma plan, in February we start our final semester (and I also get 25, oh jeez, quarter hundred, god save me, I’m already coloring my grey hair, they are everywhere!), in March we finish the semester, and we start to work on our diploma work. In the end of April we already have our end-year exam and then diploma exam, and in the middle of June the other diploma exam and then diploma exhibition. That’s all I see from 2015 yet, my mind is running circles only around the diploma work in the past two months. And I love it. For diploma work of course we get to choose something that interests us, and I chose something I would be happy to work on in the future. I chose something I already had in my mind, and I decided to have two in one, so this is also going to be my diploma work. This concept have been slowly shaping in my head for almost two years now, so it’s really thought through, and I really care about it and feel it has a lot of strength, I’m just really afraid if I will be able to get it out or not. That is what matters to me for 2015.
> Also, with the New Year my Commission opens as well. I’m curious to see where that gets too.
> Increasing my online activity failed for 2014. I don’t plan to promise being active for 2015. I probably won’t, because of all these exams, and what not.
> I’m leaving the books too for this year. But since I would feel I’m running away from challenges and blaming exam for everything I’m taking up an art one.

> My 2015 Art Challenge: I want to finish one personal art project per month. Free tool, anything, anyhow. I have so many personal project ideas that I never actually get to do, because I always find something more important than these, but this year I’m planning to give them priority. After all, what else matters, really, I don’t even know what I was thinking by putting these to the side.

> I’m also planning to grow out my bangs. Ha.
This year I was planning to grow out my hair, but in spring I ran to the hairstylist. No more like that. Now I want to get away from my bangs. I had bangs basically in my whole life. I have a big forehead, at least that’s how I feel, and whenever they are out open I can see nothing else than my ugly huge forehead. And the fact that everyone notices it when I show doesn’t help. They notice it because they never see it, and it’s just so out of usual, and people don’t like things out of usual, and I understand that girls with bangs look cooler and more mystical and playful in the same time and overall noticeable, which is an interesting and kind of sexy combination, but all this is directed against my poor not-so-little forehead. I want to grow my bangs out for long, but I always change my mind and cut it in the end. It got to the level when the first thing I see on any human being is the length of their forehead. And after all my observation I see that girls and woman with bigger than regular forehead do have the same life as the others, and they don’t seem to notice there is something wrong with their forehead which must be hid under a curtain of hair. Of course ladies with lighter or blond hair have it easier, visually it all blurs together with their skin, while our dark hair intensifies and puts into spotlight everything, and that everything has a more dramatic effect than we would want them to have. But I have the impression that I’m the only one all around who is bothered by it. So I decided I’m going to really really push my willpower this year, and see if the world really will just go blind or survives if I – after all – show my forehead.

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I wish everyone an awesome triple-glittered 2015!

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2 thoughts on “my 2014, and 2015 plans

  1. Nerea

    I feel you a lot : ( This year i have to make lots of decisions and I’m so scared… Of choosing something that in the end is going to disappoint me. I don’t like at all thinking “what if…?” because it feels like thinking of things that won’t happen cause of the decision I made. And then again the fear of disappointment.
    I’ve read some of your posts (including the Y&R experience) and I really feel you, when there’s something wrong in my life I start judging all of my life choices and I finish thinking who i am and why and all of that. Sometimes it’s really annoying… I question myself and doubt too much. This is something I really want to change in 2015 or it’ll end up being a sickness.
    What do you do when there are pros and cons? What if I choose something and then the pros are cons? Or viceversa… I don’t know… When life starts putting important decisions it’s so difficult to choose. So many little things and details that can make your decision the best or the worst.
    I’m so sorry I’m here brainstorming of all I’ve been thinking for months and so now after reading you.
    The thing is I’ve loved design for 4 years and now that I can really start learning it I’m scared. I just hope I’m making the good decision… To myself.
    Maybe in the 2nd half of 2015 I’ll come back and post how it’s going. I hope I can bring you some happiness and positive feeling in the opposite of this awful comment…
    And thank you for making me think! I do overthink a lot but when it’s thanks to someone and not by myself it ends up being more productive and less self-destructive. I’ll try to change that in 2015 too!
    Let’s grow stronger~ I really hope your year will be good and mine too. I’ve been having bad years for awhile, I think it’s time to welcome a good year. Let’s smile!

    Reply
    1. bubblydiaries Post author

      I really didn’t want this post to feel negative or like complaining. I hope it didn’t, and the reason you caught that direction of it only because you feel the unsaid too, because it’s familiar to you too : )
      I’m not disappointed because of the decisions I took. I’m disappointed that my plans I had about my future suddenly doesn’t seem to be the way I imagined them.
      And you know why I’m not disappointed in my decisions? Because – and I suggest you to think about your decisions through from this point too – I always take the decision I feel like taking. If I felt like leaving my home in the middle of my high school education and spending my entire year in Australia, then the next week I already had my airplane ticket and everything arranged. I couldn’t explain why or what point it has, I just really really felt I have to go, I have to take this decision even if it sounds a little crazy, that was the only route I could think about and feel the draw towards it. Imagining myself taking that route and feeling happy about it. So I went, alone, lived there a year, and came back as if nothing happened, to the same high school, and for them really nothing happened, they were the same kids, only that I felt like I aged a lot more during this time, I became much more matured, I was no longer that loud, brainless, laughing bitch, acting like some idiot. I couldn’t explain before leaving why will that be good for me. But coming back I saw why was it good to me. I also learned english, and that’s reason I can now write here, and after that I traveled and worked a lot outside my own country and english became my number 1 used language, not my own native languages. I also met a lot of friends there, and made some connections I still have after all these years. And looking back, it started out as a really crazy idea, and a stupid decision.
      I always took my decisions this way, and for me it really really worked out all this time. Thinking about all the routes I could take at this moment, and whichever makes me feel the best, the happiest, energized – that’s the one I have to take. Without a second thought.
      The problem started when I started to think more about it. When I started to have plans for longer ahead than a year. That’s the mistake I had. I was starting to think about money, how much this is going to pay for me, will it be able to support my life, etc. I had a dream, but to be able to go towards it I had to name it, and I found that an Art Director of a top Advertising agency is kind of what I want, maybe exactly what I want. So for years I was pushing myself towards that, and this year it suddenly turned out that nah, honey, it’s not that. The mistake I had is to have a plan, and a route in my head, instead of taking every decision by feeling good about it. I was happy about a decision when it was putting me further ahead on my planned route and not when it was making me happy itself. I didn’t want to do a lot of things and still did it because I saw it’s going to help me go forward and it did. Now I’m mourning over the lost years because of that. But probably I had to learn all this, maybe I will need everything I have learned during this time to be able to do what will come. I had to feel this bad and disappointed in order to come back to my senses. It just numbed me out so much that the only thing that made me happy during this time was sleeping, and I doubt that’s what I need for my future. Though it certainly recharged me. : D
      It’s just really hard to listen to my emotions when I meet a work which pays more than doing my own thing without receiving a direct payment for it, and while I feel that this is really what I want to be doing right now, and I feel sick of that work which comes with nice payment.. it’s really hard to choose the one I want, when I can already see in front my eyes my new leather jacket and my bills payed.
      I have ended up on design completely accidentally too. : D I don’t know if you have read this story already or not, I often tell it on the internet here and there, because people suggest I always had this in my life and that I was one of those who drew from children age. Well, not really. I had no interest in art, or design at all. I had some photos because I started the 365 self-portrait challenge with my high school friend in the last year of high school. I had one drawing too because an other friend of mine dragged me with himself to an afternoon art class, because he was bored and didn’t want to go alone. Plus another one which I drew the night before the entry exam to the university. That was all I had with me. And the only reason I even applied was because I was not accepted to Law. I had plans (again, see), I applied for Law, International Law (and to be honest before that I wanted to write, but I was talked off from that during my high school years by the journalists I knew). I was not accepted because of 4 points. And I didn’t have a plan B. But I wasn’t worried, I never were before, it always turns out somehow. A month later I heard about this private uni, about which no one knows about only those who matter and work in the field. I didn’t even know their name, but I didn’t even look for it to be honest. A night I was chatting with my friend (the one who dragged me to the art class), mentioning this school, and he knew it, he told me the name. This was 4 hours before the deadline to receiving the acceptance closed. I shrugged, why not, and applied. And was accepted because of the photos I took out of fun with my friend. And here I am now, a designer, drawing in my free time. And design and art turned out as the only thing that matters to me. The best accident so far in my life.
      And how did it happen? Without a second thought. Without plans. Actually out of my plans falling apart.
      I don’t know when I learn finally that I shouldn’t make plans. They only ruin my time which I could spend better, and absolutely more enjoyable. Plans only slam my head to walls, that was showcased this year again.
      I hope to be able to be “planless” again. And to pick myself together and sleep less. My 2015 started with a job offer, already on the first day, and I accepted it because as for a moment I don’t have a better idea.
      So I think it will be a good year. *clapping in excitement* The goat is a good sign, really calm and creative. Can’t wait to see.
      Though I don’t know what decision you have to take, but I hope you choose the one that makes you feel good, don’t make plans. If you feel like leaving with a circus and acrobat then just do so. : D It hits harder later if you take the wrong route out of “logical” reasons.
      I hope to hear from you about how your year goes! : )

      Reply

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