twenty-five

self-portrait

25. Woah.

I don’t even know what to say. : D

It’s a change, to be honest. It’s like getting 18. Or 14, or 10, that’s how it feels, a little more important than 24. It didn’t happen overnight though. I have been experiencing this continuously whenever I remembered my age. Not my birthday, I almost forgot I have a birthday, I realized it last week in a shock that it’s already that time of the year, gosh, already, how.

I feel like a 14 years old if I want to be really honest. I feel like I should sit at the children table during family meeting. In work I feel I get treated like a high school student, but that’s fine, I feel like that too. Though my skin looks worse than it did when I was in high school. People treat my work as a hobby. I’m still confused when I have to use formal grammar, so I end up using it all the time, which often ends up uncomfortable either way.
In the same time I noticed lately I get a wave of light anger when the GPS talks to me informally, more than that, tells me what to do, sounds like a scolding. When last year the police were talking to me while I was walking to school, with a sport bag hanging on my side, wearing jeans, sneakers and jacket, looking totally like a student, they were referring to my destination as workplace. In the shop no one even stops to think if they want to see my ID when I buy alcohol. Couple of years ago we were all like “jeez, he is 5 years older, too much”. Now it’s more like “ah, he isn’t even 45 yet, what a hottie”. When buying foundation it getting into my wrinkles is a serious point to consider, and in the past months I had to color my hair to hide my grey hair, it looks uncared otherwise.
Being 24 was a serious crisis mostly around the question to start to act like an adult or not yet, to get treated like an adult or not yet.
The scary thing about 25 is that it’s no longer supposed to be a question. I have no more excuse left.

When I thought about it as a high school student I thought a 25 years old girl is a woman already, should act like one, should be treated like one, taken serious, should have a work, a career, monthly rent, decorated home, perfect skin, travel for holidays, middle-aged men fighting for dates and giving expensive bracelets as present, prepare food at home for herself on weekdays, have a cat, a weekly appointment at the manicure salon, wear dress, high heels, and matching underwear.

It feels as close as Venus to Pluto.
That’s how it feels to celebrate the 25th birthday.
It feels like I unlocked the next level without getting agreed to anything.

Well, I still get to eat the cake. : D

Oh, and look, my bangs are growing!~

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s